Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Profane Conversion tables
Ever wonder what your roommate means when he says he has an assload of homework? Wonder no more. Here are the conversion tables for profane units of measurement.
1 fuckton = 5 shittons
1 shitton = 226 assloads
1 assload = 4 buttloads
1 buttload = approximately 16.3 pounds
Note: the above measurements are all in imperial units. A metric fuckton is approximately 1.1 fucktons.
1 fuckton = 5 shittons
1 shitton = 226 assloads
1 assload = 4 buttloads
1 buttload = approximately 16.3 pounds
Note: the above measurements are all in imperial units. A metric fuckton is approximately 1.1 fucktons.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Maybe they should call the show Antiheroes
Oh Heroes, you just don't know what you're doing anymore do you?
I see that you've decided to switch the format from five plots that go nowhere per episode to one plot that goes nowhere per episodes. I suppose that's an improvement, maybe.
You're still pretty hung up on this whole "paint the future" thing. So much so that you've given that power to SIX CHARACTERS across three seasons. The artist who draws all the pictures must have one hell of a contract.
I think it's telling that the protagonists are such colossal fuckups that they need to check the future once a year to see how their current actions are going to destroy the world. I mean, really, each season has featured at least one catastrophic power-related disaster that our heroes need to STOP THEMSELVES FROM CAUSING. It's gotten to the point where you've even run out of apocalypses, such that they're using season one's over again. A picture of Washington blowing up right where the picture of New York blowing up used to be. Was that supposed to come off as extremely lazy? Did you even bother to draw a new picture or did you just photoshop the old one?
While we're there, why is it that the government bugs Bennet's storage locker, a place only he knew existed up until a month ago yet doesn't bother to watch Isaac Mendes' loft, a place that practically every character in the series has visited and a site used as a lab by both Pinehearst and the Company? Maybe the government figures that two such utter failures as Matt and Peter are just going to screw up and get caught anyway that it's not worth chasing them. Those two are so incompetant that they'll probably kill themselves trying to fix a toaster.
I see that you've decided to switch the format from five plots that go nowhere per episode to one plot that goes nowhere per episodes. I suppose that's an improvement, maybe.
You're still pretty hung up on this whole "paint the future" thing. So much so that you've given that power to SIX CHARACTERS across three seasons. The artist who draws all the pictures must have one hell of a contract.
I think it's telling that the protagonists are such colossal fuckups that they need to check the future once a year to see how their current actions are going to destroy the world. I mean, really, each season has featured at least one catastrophic power-related disaster that our heroes need to STOP THEMSELVES FROM CAUSING. It's gotten to the point where you've even run out of apocalypses, such that they're using season one's over again. A picture of Washington blowing up right where the picture of New York blowing up used to be. Was that supposed to come off as extremely lazy? Did you even bother to draw a new picture or did you just photoshop the old one?
While we're there, why is it that the government bugs Bennet's storage locker, a place only he knew existed up until a month ago yet doesn't bother to watch Isaac Mendes' loft, a place that practically every character in the series has visited and a site used as a lab by both Pinehearst and the Company? Maybe the government figures that two such utter failures as Matt and Peter are just going to screw up and get caught anyway that it's not worth chasing them. Those two are so incompetant that they'll probably kill themselves trying to fix a toaster.
Fun with geneology
My many times Great Grandfather, Sir Henry Wallop, was Royal Surgeon to Queen Elizabeth. For his service he received a coat of arms featuring three unicorns.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Great Historical Deaths
King Charles VIII of France 1470-1498
Notable life events- King of France for 15 years. Launched successful invasion of Naples. Conquered Florence. Expelled from Italy by Venetian coalition.
Cause of Death- Low door frame.
Notable life events- King of France for 15 years. Launched successful invasion of Naples. Conquered Florence. Expelled from Italy by Venetian coalition.
Cause of Death- Low door frame.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Thoughts from the Oscars, cause I'm original
Apparently the way to save the Oscars is to turn it into a low-budget version of the Tonys. And the funny thing is it works.
I think the industry that's going to pull us out of the recession is the making fun of the recession industry.
Steve! Open it! Way to go Steve. You ruined the Oscars.
A tribute to past Best Supporting Actress winners? Um, what?
I think the Best Supporting Actresses are a secret society. Or maybe a cult.
Okay, this new method of introducing the nominees is weirding me out. On the one hand it's sort of sweet to give everyone genuine complements but it reminds me of the last couple episodes of an American Idol season. What was wrong with showing clips from the films
Penelope Cruz is looking like a Young Angela Patrelli.
Wow, someone put some serious thought into this. The Best Screenplay presentation was both clever and appropriate.
I like that the first person to throw out some politics was a writer.
Pixar burn!
Senseless barrage of animation! We're back to form.
If you didn't know WALL-E was going to win you may be clinically retarded.
They're really going over the top for the set on the Art Decoration award. See my previous comments re: the Tonys only minus the low budget thing.
I think its funny that Dark Knight was nominated for the Makeup award and it featured a guy wearing actual makeup.
Ah technical awards. Nothing like forcing people used to being behind the camera to give speeches in front of a room full of actors.
Slumdog Millionaire draws first blood against Benjamin Button.
The entire Oscars should be done by two stoners on a couch.
DP stands for Director of Photography. You have a dirty mind.
Random musical number. The hell?
Robert Downey Jr. as Shaft. I would watch that.
Letting Heath's family accept his award was a classy move. I just wish they could have had a less Joker picture of him to have in the background.
This may be a little tactless to say right now, but the Ledger family has one hell of a gene pool.
Philippe Petit just balanced an Oscar on his chin. Hell yes.
2008 was a big year for car stunts.
I like how the technical awards are presented in the order they happen in the production of the film. Were they always done that way?
Boom goes the dynamite.
I like that Slumdog actually got an Indian guy on stage. That guy made a sound mixing award seem like it was a much bigger award. Good for him.
Do they make sure the people who vote for the technical awards actually know something about sound editing and visual effects? Or is it like a selectman election where you just check a box at random?
I didn't realize that "Down to Earth" was an African spiritual.
Song duel! East versus west! That's how they should settle it.
Hey, what's this new show that Nathan Filion's doing? Why haven't I heard about it before?
Goddamnit, stop the pretentious camera work on the people we've lost montage. I can only read half their names.
So did they leave Heath Ledger out of the montage because he won the best supporting Oscar?
It must be interesting to be the guy whose job it is to film shots of the director working to use for the best director montage.
Danny Boyle thanked Tigger. Not enough Winnie the Pooh characters get thanked in award shows.
So the Jai Ho dance was choreographed by the man who pierced the side of Christ with the Spear of Destiny? That man has range.
Way to sneak in self congratulating into someone else's Oscar nomination, Halle Berry.
Sophia Loren scares me.
Kate Winslet's dad has an impressive whistle.
I just saw Edward Cullen sitting behind Mickey Roarke and it creeped me the fuck out.
The Academy gets over its homophobia. Brokeback Mountain is avenged.
Slumdog for the win. It is written.
Every film that wins Best Picture should have the whole cast rush the stage.
I think the industry that's going to pull us out of the recession is the making fun of the recession industry.
Steve! Open it! Way to go Steve. You ruined the Oscars.
A tribute to past Best Supporting Actress winners? Um, what?
I think the Best Supporting Actresses are a secret society. Or maybe a cult.
Okay, this new method of introducing the nominees is weirding me out. On the one hand it's sort of sweet to give everyone genuine complements but it reminds me of the last couple episodes of an American Idol season. What was wrong with showing clips from the films
Penelope Cruz is looking like a Young Angela Patrelli.
Wow, someone put some serious thought into this. The Best Screenplay presentation was both clever and appropriate.
I like that the first person to throw out some politics was a writer.
Pixar burn!
Senseless barrage of animation! We're back to form.
If you didn't know WALL-E was going to win you may be clinically retarded.
They're really going over the top for the set on the Art Decoration award. See my previous comments re: the Tonys only minus the low budget thing.
I think its funny that Dark Knight was nominated for the Makeup award and it featured a guy wearing actual makeup.
Ah technical awards. Nothing like forcing people used to being behind the camera to give speeches in front of a room full of actors.
Slumdog Millionaire draws first blood against Benjamin Button.
The entire Oscars should be done by two stoners on a couch.
DP stands for Director of Photography. You have a dirty mind.
Random musical number. The hell?
Robert Downey Jr. as Shaft. I would watch that.
Letting Heath's family accept his award was a classy move. I just wish they could have had a less Joker picture of him to have in the background.
This may be a little tactless to say right now, but the Ledger family has one hell of a gene pool.
Philippe Petit just balanced an Oscar on his chin. Hell yes.
2008 was a big year for car stunts.
I like how the technical awards are presented in the order they happen in the production of the film. Were they always done that way?
Boom goes the dynamite.
I like that Slumdog actually got an Indian guy on stage. That guy made a sound mixing award seem like it was a much bigger award. Good for him.
Do they make sure the people who vote for the technical awards actually know something about sound editing and visual effects? Or is it like a selectman election where you just check a box at random?
I didn't realize that "Down to Earth" was an African spiritual.
Song duel! East versus west! That's how they should settle it.
Hey, what's this new show that Nathan Filion's doing? Why haven't I heard about it before?
Goddamnit, stop the pretentious camera work on the people we've lost montage. I can only read half their names.
So did they leave Heath Ledger out of the montage because he won the best supporting Oscar?
It must be interesting to be the guy whose job it is to film shots of the director working to use for the best director montage.
Danny Boyle thanked Tigger. Not enough Winnie the Pooh characters get thanked in award shows.
So the Jai Ho dance was choreographed by the man who pierced the side of Christ with the Spear of Destiny? That man has range.
Way to sneak in self congratulating into someone else's Oscar nomination, Halle Berry.
Sophia Loren scares me.
Kate Winslet's dad has an impressive whistle.
I just saw Edward Cullen sitting behind Mickey Roarke and it creeped me the fuck out.
The Academy gets over its homophobia. Brokeback Mountain is avenged.
Slumdog for the win. It is written.
Every film that wins Best Picture should have the whole cast rush the stage.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Dollhouse- Actual Review
So, that in depth discussion of Dollhouse just turned into speculation about what the myth arc of the show will be about. I neglected one key detail: Is the show actually any good? So here are some actual thoughts on the quality of the show rather than the plot hooks. Bear in mind that all statements and assertions made here should be read with a "thus far" immediately following, as there have only been two episodes, so yeah.
Is it good?
Short answer: Yes
Long Answer: Yes if it was written by anyone other than Joss Whedon. Whedon has set the bar for himself pretty high and over the past couple years managing to deliver sequentially more with less (Buffy ran for 7 seasons, Angel for 5, Firefly for 1/2, and Dr. Horrible’s Sing-along Blog for 42 minutes of pure awesome). So from anyone else this would be phenomenal, from Whedon it's a little below par. So far.
Pros:
Eliza Duskhu- Eliza Duskhu is always great, and giving her a show she can essentially use as a massive demo real can only be a good thing. Her ability to create substantially different personas for each set of implanted memories
The ensemble- For the most part the ensemble is pretty solid, with a few welcome familiar faces (Look it's Helo! Look it's Fred!). Harry Lennix as Echo's handler, Boyd Langdon, is the moral center of the show, and combines fatherly affection for Echo with trepidation at the actions of the Dollhouse. Reed Diamond's head of security, Laurence Dominic, was mildly irritating in the first episode but by episode two I began to sympathize with the guy whose job it is to deal with rogue actives and cases gone wrong. The only false notes are Fran Kranz' smarmy lab tech and Olivia Williams' Dollhouse CEO. The former is annoying, and the latter... I'm not sure what it is exactly, but the character doesn't feel all there yet.
Cons:
Sketch- The premise of the show kinda sketches me out. I mean sure the Dollhouse creates hostage negotiators and assassins and, I dunno, Pilates instructors, but a lot of what they do is essentially prostitution. And that's a little creepy. I find myself wondering if, in addition to wiping the Actives' memories after mission, they also check them for STDs.
Humor- Or rather, lack thereof. All of Joss Whedon's works to date have been awesomely funny, even (especially?) at their darkest. Dollhouse is not especially funny. There is a distinct lack of the idiosyncratic dialogue Whedon is known for. Perhaps part of the problem is that a lot of the "funny" lines come from Topher, the sketchy lab tech, and he's just annoying.
Jury's Still Out:
Universe- All of Whedon's previous works have had exceptionally well realized universes. So far we haven't gotten much of a glimpse at the Dollverse or whatever term fans are calling it. The technology exists to extract and implant memories, so what also exists? The terms haven't been defined yet so we don't know what to expect. So there's a little super science, but how much? Is Active creation the one divergence from reality or will we later run into robots and ray guns?
Overall:
It's neat. Certainly worth watching. Give it time and it may become something truly awesome. Place your betts on how Fox will screw it over.
Is it good?
Short answer: Yes
Long Answer: Yes if it was written by anyone other than Joss Whedon. Whedon has set the bar for himself pretty high and over the past couple years managing to deliver sequentially more with less (Buffy ran for 7 seasons, Angel for 5, Firefly for 1/2, and Dr. Horrible’s Sing-along Blog for 42 minutes of pure awesome). So from anyone else this would be phenomenal, from Whedon it's a little below par. So far.
Pros:
Eliza Duskhu- Eliza Duskhu is always great, and giving her a show she can essentially use as a massive demo real can only be a good thing. Her ability to create substantially different personas for each set of implanted memories
The ensemble- For the most part the ensemble is pretty solid, with a few welcome familiar faces (Look it's Helo! Look it's Fred!). Harry Lennix as Echo's handler, Boyd Langdon, is the moral center of the show, and combines fatherly affection for Echo with trepidation at the actions of the Dollhouse. Reed Diamond's head of security, Laurence Dominic, was mildly irritating in the first episode but by episode two I began to sympathize with the guy whose job it is to deal with rogue actives and cases gone wrong. The only false notes are Fran Kranz' smarmy lab tech and Olivia Williams' Dollhouse CEO. The former is annoying, and the latter... I'm not sure what it is exactly, but the character doesn't feel all there yet.
Cons:
Sketch- The premise of the show kinda sketches me out. I mean sure the Dollhouse creates hostage negotiators and assassins and, I dunno, Pilates instructors, but a lot of what they do is essentially prostitution. And that's a little creepy. I find myself wondering if, in addition to wiping the Actives' memories after mission, they also check them for STDs.
Humor- Or rather, lack thereof. All of Joss Whedon's works to date have been awesomely funny, even (especially?) at their darkest. Dollhouse is not especially funny. There is a distinct lack of the idiosyncratic dialogue Whedon is known for. Perhaps part of the problem is that a lot of the "funny" lines come from Topher, the sketchy lab tech, and he's just annoying.
Jury's Still Out:
Universe- All of Whedon's previous works have had exceptionally well realized universes. So far we haven't gotten much of a glimpse at the Dollverse or whatever term fans are calling it. The technology exists to extract and implant memories, so what also exists? The terms haven't been defined yet so we don't know what to expect. So there's a little super science, but how much? Is Active creation the one divergence from reality or will we later run into robots and ray guns?
Overall:
It's neat. Certainly worth watching. Give it time and it may become something truly awesome. Place your betts on how Fox will screw it over.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)